Adult SMS | Adult Jokes | Adult Text Messages

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HUSBAND: if i sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind? 
WIFE: That you are a HOMOSEXUAL. 


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Judge: you want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon? Wife: no ur honor i am divorcing him for threatening of every night with dead weapon.

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What is the difference When A Girl Wears A Mini Skirt & A Boy Wears a Mini Skirt? Ans: The Girl Will Look SEXY & The Boy . . . A CHURCH BELL! ;)

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Utility of Mangalsutra? Licence 2 enjoy Kamasutra without Condom.. Whats the utility of a Condom? Licence to enjoy Kamasutra without the Mangalsutra...

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A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

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Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration?

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Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and can we multiply?

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Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth which is 6? long and move it in and out and wait for a white substance to come out? Girl: y do u ask such question to me. i cant tell such words Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

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A short thing its get longer as u hold it & pass between woman’s breast & enters into a small hole What is it? Ans. cars seat belt…u dirty mind

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A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired, When her friends asked her what happened? She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, “I thought It was MONEY”

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Dhoka mila jab hamein piyar me..

Dhoka mila jab hamein piyar me..

Zindagi me udasi c chha gai..

Socha tha chhorr dein gay is raah ko

Kambakhat Mohalley me
1 aur "English BACHI" aa gai.
<( ',')     KOI TO
  ) (>  ROOK LOW
_/  \_ ABEY  JANEDE

Before and After Marriage

Boy's Room before Marriage:

-Perfumes
-Love Letters
-CD Player & Cds.
-Greetings Cards.
-Air Freshner.
-Different Sims Along Different Pakages With 1 Mobile.
-Books of poetry
-PEACE.

After Marriage:

-Pain Killers.
-Loan Papers.
-Unpaid Electricity & Gas Bills.
-Medical Reports.
-Empty Wallet.
-Feeder, Nipple & Pampers, qarshi ka instant joshanda, ispghol ka chilka, qareeb aor door ki ainak, poly color, aor bed k sarhaney book "Maut Ka Manzar":

Child Student & Teacher

‎1 Class Ka Bacha Apni Miss Se Kehta Hay: “Main Ap Ko Kaisa Lagta Hun?” Miss: “So Sweet” Bacha: “To Phr Main Apney Ammi Abbu Ko Aap K Ghr Bhejun?” Miss: “Woh Kyun”? Bacha: “Takey Woh Hamari Baat Aagey Chalain”

NIKA & Niki

''bhonga joke of the year'''
1 NIKA Bahut Der Se Ro
Ra Tha
Maa Ne Pucha
Mele Laal Ko Qa Chaiye?
Tofee
Biskit Ya
milk?
.
.
.
.
NIKA:
Bash Ek nikii chahiyeeee
aashqi ke liye..;-)

Tere wale

Ladki apne room me
baith kr zor zor se ro rhi
thi...
Maa ne ye dekha to
uske paas ayi aur boli..!
Maa: kya hua beti kyu ro
rhi ho, mujhe btao
main teri DOST hoon..
Beti rote huye..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kya batau yar,
.
Apne wale ko milne gyi
thi,
.
Tere wale ne dekh liya
aur boht maara.. :-P

old one

old one
.Mr singh was lying on beach,
Amrican: R u Relaxing?
Mr singh: No i m Gopal Singh,
Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?
Mr singh: No
... I m gopal Singh
Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?
Mr singh: No (Shouting)
I m gopal Singh >:O mr singh left tht place in
anger.
Then he asks one American lying
nearby,
R u relaxing?
American: Yes.
Mr singh slaps him & says, Haramkhor sab
tujhe dhund rhe he aur tu yha pada
hai. :D

Banana

Lady 2nd floor se banana wale ko dekh kr pochti hai ‘kela kesy dega?’
banana wala, mem sahab 8 me 12
Lady. 7 me 13 longi
deta hai to upar aaja..

No need to explain....

Samaj me aaya ho to like karo... That's it

Degrees of girls!

Degrees of girls!
B.A.-Beautiful Angel
B.E.-Beautiful Eyes
B.Sc.-Beautiful Structure
B.Com-Beautiful Communication
M.B.A.-Married But Awesome!

A Bird asked a Bee:

A Bird asked a Bee:

You work so hard, to get honey & people steal that from you.
Don't you feel sad?

... Bee replied: No, because they can never steal my art of making honey...

Be like little 'Bee', small in size but big by heart ...

larrry laprise

Subject: Larry LaPrise dead at 93

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny. :)

Guarantees in Life

One day a Madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out $5000.00 and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, " South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are guaranteed:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

20 Years With My Wife

20 years with my wife

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."